~*~ DayDreamz ~*~

     Its been a few weeks since I've updated.  I've been going to chemo every three weeks.  I just had round 3 of 4. I'm zooming on the damn steroids.  I hate that.       I ended up with folliculitis on my head.  Not fun.  I had sores all over my head.  They hurt, and couldn't lay down on a pillow even! I ended up getting some antibiotics for it.  They worked and I'm all healed, but I have all these discolorations on my head from them.       I still get sore joints from the neulasta shot they give the day after Chemo. Its to help with white blood cells.  But I got some pain meds for it.  They have been taking good care of me.  I have nausea meds,  and anxiety meds as well.       I haven't had a lot of anxiety, but there are days that my mind goes awry and I start thinking worst case scenarios.  No bueno! So my little pills help chill me out lol.      Other than the folliculitis, I've been alright.  I get a bit worn down after day 3. It lasted a lot longe

     I've taken a minute or two to try to process all thats been going on since my biopsy.  My biopsy results did indeed find breast cancer in my right breast.  I found that out for certain in July 9th. I was scheduled for an mri and to meet with the surgeon.         I have stage 2 invasive ductal carcinoma.  Her2- and PR/ER+. Never thought I'd understand what those meant.  I read them before I was actual diagnosed and it was confusing.  Until I met with my surgeon, Dr.  Hatch.  She explained everything to John and I. Answered questions.  Gave me a book about breast cancer.      I meet with my oncology Dr.  after that. Dr.  Fiddler.  It was a shorter visit.  He scheduled an MRI and a ct scan.  The MRI was to check my lymph nodes for cancer.  The ct scan was to check other parts of my body for cancer.  Both have checked out fine.  Good news.      I also had a port placement surgery for when my chemo therapy starts.  That went well until last night.  I ended up in The ER. I w

     I went into today feeling really good. Positive.  I didn't sleep well but I woke up and stayed busy up to my appointment time.  Which was at 2:30 in the afternoon.       We got there with not a minute to spare.  My hubby John went with me.  We spent about 15 minutes in the waiting area.  John couldn't go back with me.  So I have to do this by myself.  Sort of.      I changed out of my bra and top and put on the normal white robe that has blue flowers or whatever the heck those are, and two ties to keep it closed.  I put my belongings into a locker and went to sit in the "ladies" waiting area.      There was one other lady there. She had red hair. She was in her robe, reading a magazine with one leg over the other.  I didn't feel like reading.  I tried to however.  I picked up a Newsweek magazine and tried to read about the Russians meddling in our election process.  None of it was registering so I just put it down.       The lady with the red hair, starte

     It's been one week.  I still have one week to wait for my mammogram and ultrasound.  There is another lump in my breast.  I'm hoping it's just a cyst or something non cancerous.       I go through cycles of how I feel.  I feel fine most days. I stay busy and occupy my mind so I'm not obsessing over it.  I have my moments when I play,  " what if".... but I think I've come to terms with what if.  I can't change anything, good or bad, so I figure I gotta just keep on keeping on.      If I happen to end up with the big "C" then we'll handle it.  Not much else we can do.  No sense in freaking out.  I don't want my family to worry either.  My daughter already freaked out about it.  Made me feel terrible.  So I'm trying to put on a brave face and not let it bother me.       I have exactly one week.  Then maybe longer? Like if they want to do a biopsy or something.  Ugh.  I do hate the waiting though.  Its tough, I won't lie. 

 Friday was my appt day.  I arrived 10 minutes early.  Not too early, but early enough.  I was weighed and checked in by the male nurse.  He left the room, and I proceeded to wait for 40 minutes!!! Yes! Over 30 minutes I waited! Wth?!     The Dr finally did the manual breast exam, asked me questions. Let me know that I do indeed have a lump in my breast.  Yup.... already knew that.  She told me I needed an ultrasound and a mammogram.  That I could call them right after my appt and I should be able to get in by early this week.  What?!!!     Wait two to three days?! Noooooo! That's too long.  Right? She can't understand the severity of the problem. I call as soon as I get to the vehicle.  I push 1 for patient, listen carefully for the rest of the agonizingly slow prompts.  Finally a person! I tell her who I am etc.  The Dr's orders are already there.  The next available appt. Is two weeks from now!!!!!! Yes you read that correctly.  2 freakin weeks! Wth? She can't unde

     I think I found two actually.  My Dr 's appointment is just over 12 hours away.  I can't sleep.  I keep reading the same symptoms of breast cancer over and over.  I keep thinking, nah I don't have it, I don't have that symptom or that one.  Then I freak out and see myself in all of them.      I'm trying to be chill about it.  Shit! Did a breast cancer commercial really just come on the tv that I'm not really watching? Wth?! Ok freaking out again. ... calm your tits Lucy! Oiy!      I know I'll probably have to have a mammogram.  The same one my Dr has been reminding me to schedule for a year. The same one i kept putting off . Now look! It'll be fine.  I'll be fine.      Reminding myself not to think negative.  Don't think of chemo.  Which scares the piss out of me.  I have always been a little on the anxious side, and my mind always goes to the worst case scenario, and even the improbable.  So I'm trying to keep my mind occupado.